Top ten things I hate about living in Florida.
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Introduction
Title sort of says it all. Note that the oppressive heat, the overpowering humidity, and middle of the State Crackers didn't even crack the top ten.
10. Love bugs.
May and September? Enough high protein bug guts on my car to feed a village in Zimbabwe.
9. It's so freakin flat.
Highest point in the state? Me standing on the hood of my car. I could roll a bowling ball to Miami with one fling.
8. Not a good barbecue place in the State.
It may be because there are no Hickory trees.......wait, there are no freakin real trees of any kind.
7. See "no real trees" above.
Uh, yeah, there are no real trees.
6. No Spring.
No dogwood, no lialacs, no tulips, no daffodils, no redbud, ......arrrggghhhh, I'm in hell.
5. No Fall.
No red trees, no yellow trees, no crisp mornings. It shouldn't be 140 degrees at a football game.
4. Terrible food.
Miami has a couple of decent eateries, but on the West Coast, the 5 star selections are, Don Shula's, Outback, Applebee's, and Yoder's Amish Eats.
3. The Electorate.
Sen. Mel Martinez is a Bush stooge, Sen. Bill Nelson is barely a Democrat. Katherine Harris was my congressperson for four years. Can't tell Al Gore from Pat Buchanan. They pass every "dog park" initiative on the ballot, but not a cent for education. Schools rank 47th out of 50.
2. All other bugs, and annoying wildlife.
From no see ums, to fire ants, to giant palmetto bugs (Floridaish name for a giant cockroach), to mosquitos. Freakin lizards everywhere; the cat brings us two or three a week as gifts from the pool cage. Wife locked in bathroom, screaming, "Did you get it?"
1. The old people, my God, the old people.
Guys at the gym call me Sonny. There are always a bunch of old geezers in WWII hats "honoring" something. They won't hesitate to jump a line. Once every eighteen months one of them will zone out and trash the rear end of your car, and you can see it coming in your rear view mirror for thirty seconds before it happens.
This list is awesome! I do like that Florida has given us some of the best shirtless chase scenes on COPS over the years.
all of this is highly familiar. i grew up in ft. myers (gulf coast). the mosquitos can carry away small children, the roaches flat-out chase your ass after spraying them with bug spray and there's an aligator in every body of fresh water, including an occasional swimming pool. almost every woman has gargantuan fake boobs, is highly materialistic and wears entirely too much animal print clothing. every house has about as much character as a stale piece of toast...
i could go on for hours.
i could go on for hours.
And this is why I will never live in Florida again. That and the hurricanes.
Hey, Ol Hippie, since you don't seem to be too fond of living in Florida, maybe Brattleboro, Vermont would me more to your liking:
http://www.wtol.com/global/story.asp?s=7969392
:->
http://www.wtol.com/global/story.asp?s=7969392
:->
Well, in fact, I love Brattleboro. The little Hippie really likes Bennington Pottery, and since I live to make her happy, I have made the trip from my brother's house in East Haddam, CT to Bennington, VT on several occasions. Brattleboro is where you get on to Hwy 9 for the drive accross the bottom of VT. I always stop for lunch. There is a great town deli there where you can have a sandwich, a creme soda, and like all New England town delis, yak with the townies. They are very weird, and I love them.
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